Be Useful Improve Lives Daily
I started writing almost 3 years ago because I knew God wanted to use me for something I didn’t understand. I was so worried about what everyone else would think, I didn’t even realize what he was trying to do for me. He was telling me to buckle up for the looooong ride I had ahead of me. I had no idea that my smooth flight was about to have a crash landing.
I thought I had it all figured out; I had a good job, a girlfriend I wanted to spend the rest of my life with, support from family and friends, I mean what could go wrong. I measured my success by looking at what I physically had and let my relationship with Christ just fade away. I would look to females for satisfaction when I felt like things were tough even though I knew it wasn’t right. Time after time I ignored what God was showing me and thought I had it all under control.
I ruined my relationship with the woman I want(ed) to spend the rest of my life with, I disgraced and pushed away my family, I lost people who I thought were my friends, and most importantly I shut out God. I kept using Him as a crutch after I would shoot myself in the foot making the same mistakes over and over. “I won’t do it again, I promise. I’m gonna do what God wants me to do this time.” I would say, thinking things would get easier in time. But they didn’t. Life just kept getting harder and harder. Mistake after mistake. I always found someone else to blame.
Next thing you know, I was in jail. I spent 90 days in a detention facility from October to January. I missed out on many family birthdays (I have more than 10 family birthdays in October alone), Thanksgiving, Christmas, and even New Years! The first few weeks went by fast but when the holidays came around it crushed me. I thought back to all the mistakes I made and blamed on others. I have always been able to help people with their problems but I never really opened up to anyone to help me. Everything I had buried deep down just came out. I found myself talking to God more and more each day for help.
During my 90 days of solitude I found out who I really am. After reading book after book, I began to realize God’s purpose for my life. Even though I was frustrated and didn’t understand why I was there, God had a plan. He always does, we just don’t always agree with it. Just like Jonah, he tried to run from what he knew God was telling him to do and he still ended up in Nineveh. His name just had to start with a J -__- Whats up with God using names starting with the letter J? I might be wrong but I read somewhere that there are 341 different names in the Bible starting with the letter J. Joshua, Joseph, Jacob, Job, Jonah, James, Japheth, Jehovah, Jesus, the list can really go on and on. (sorry I got a little off topic there) I found favor just like Joseph did when Potiphar placed him in prison. The guards trusted me with duties other inmates were not allowed to do.
I learned that God placed me there to learn a lesson and to help teach others at the same time. He doesn’t give us something we can’t handle – 1 Corinthians 10:13. They say you learn the most about yourself when you life is on the line. I have found my true friends and have made connections with family members I hardly ever talked to. Two hour conversations with family from over 2000 miles away really helps. (Thanks John for giving me the kick in the butt I needed) I’ve got a lot of work to do. Joel Osteen said this “Trouble prepares you for the next level. Trouble develops something in you that you can’t get when it’s easy and everything is going your way. In the difficult times, your spiritual muscles develop and you gain strength, endurance, and wisdom.” My faith has grown and I can’t wait to see what God has planned for me. I know right now I’m still hurting, and some people I’ve hurt are too. But I know that in time God will take care of it and love never fails. There’s no place id rather be.
Since that “crash landing” I have been putting the pieces back together. I have been going to therapy and my family/friends have really been there for me. The consequences of my actions affect me and everyone around me as well. I know some things will never be the same, but I’ve realized thats the whole point. If things didn’t change I would have crashed into the ocean drowned, but God has given me a chance to make things right again and save others from making my mistakes.
INTEGRITY, HONESTY, MORALITY, SINCERITY, RESPECT, HUMILITY, & TRUSTWORTHY. That is what I want to be remembered for and that is what I will be. “What you think is what you become.” Put yourself in someone else’s shoes and look at yourself? What do you see? Are you being honest with yourself, or is your flight experiencing turbulence?